


something you've been looking for

by orpwrks



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 18:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20068468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpwrks/pseuds/orpwrks
Summary: when jack went into rehab as a young, depressed teenager he was quickly made aware that he'd have to put in work to get out. slowly he figured out the the right mindset to feign for his counselor to smile approvingly at him. he learned what to say during his session all with one thing on his mind: getting out. outside was hockey and training and a draft he had to put in a lot more work in to prepare for.set after his time in rehab where he doesn't find the healing.





	something you've been looking for

**Author's Note:**

> i made the draft somewhere during the school year. obviously not when it rly is.

when jack went into rehab as a young, depressed teenager he was quickly made aware that he'd have to put in work to get out. slowly he figured out the right words to say, the right mindset to feign for his counselor to smile approvingly at him. he learned what to say during his sessions and group all with one thing on his mind: getting out. outside was hockey and training and a draft he had to put in a lot more work in to prepare for. so he put in the work and learned the damn coping skills they tried to teach him. 

then he got out and the bargaining began. after days on end of bargaining with his parents the agreement was made: he had to do at least two years of school then he could go for the draft again if he wanted. he parents said they wanted to give him the experience of his youth. but both jack and his parents knew jack probably wouldn't be able to make it through the draft at his fragile state. 

even out of the draft, it still affected jack. his calendar went unmarked in his dorm but he knew none the less the exact date. the week had been difficult already and his hands just could not stop shaking. his hockey had been great but still not god damn good enough. the thoughts tumbled and his days went by like the inside of a washing machine. the second the water settled and he could feel the air the barrel tumbled and he was submerged once again to suffocate. the night before the first day of the draft jack's hands would not cease shaking as he clawed around the drawer of his desk. that was until his hands hit the bottle. out of the drawer emerged an orange pill bottle filled with enough. 

jack had dropped by the hause earlier in the day to fill up a plastic water bottle with a drink. he just shook and shook as the thoughts took over while he stared at the bottles in front of him. then he was thrown out of his trance by the ringing of his laptop announcing a skype call. he wiped his face and tried to have as normal of a conversation with his parents he could. if they could tell, she didn't say anything. 

the afternoon after, the draft was playing on his laptop in front of him. he was meant for the nhl. he was meant to be in the draft. he was meant to be successful. if he didn't screw every god damn thing up. his breath shook as he desperately tried to get oxygen in.

jack had the art of quiet panic attacks mastered as to continue keeping no one from witnessing the mess he fell into until the moment. that was until evan barged into his room wildly waving flashcards. evan had been a senior from the team who simply sucked at french. he often forced jack to assist him pass the course and study. the poor french speaker was clearly surprised to his teammate shaking so hard he could see it clear across the room and his chest hyperventilating.

"zims, zims, hey! are you okay?" evan asked frantically. all jack could respond was holding his chest trying to get air in. 

jack felt himself drown away as his breathing sped. he could tell evan was there and that he was saying something but he couldn't hear the words coming out of his mouth. he reverted to his techniques of his head between his knees. 

he could just not slow down his breathe, his head drowned, and ears flooded. it was like his lungs were wrapped in glass, even if he could breathe it would just puncture him further. jack clutched his chest as his mind continued to swim. he couldn't see evan pulling out his phone and dialing 911, he couldn't hear evan frantically talking to the responder. 

jack finally began coming around to evan as his teammate pushed a cup of water at him. he was only getting bits and pieces of the moment but he could vaguely hear the comforting words flowing out of evan. 

the room gained even more noise at the paramedics rushed into the small room. they immediately started assessing him and asking him the standard questions to see his level of alertness. the team of paramedics worked quickly and efficiently like a good hockey team as jack watched.  
"it was just a panic attack, i'm fine." jack said as the brown haired paramedic continued taking his blood pressure.  
"we just want to assess and make sure that this simply a panic attack and not any other medical issue presenting as one." the main paramedic said to him. she had captained the group to work so efficiently.  
"what do you think might've triggered this attack?" 

"do you have any intention of possibly hurting yourself, jack?" as the paramedic asked this question jack's eyes flicked to his desk where a bottle of pills and water bottle besides it sat together. the paramedic tracked this movement and then made eye contact with his the other one.

"oh, no, i'm fine. this was just a little stress coming out. thank you though." jack's response came out just a half step too fast. the paramedic nodded over for the others to check what he was looking at so intently. the brown haired woman leant over and sniffed the clear liquid: vodka. and quietly read the label of the full prescription bottle, clearly more pills in it than the label described. the brown haired paramedic nodded knowingly at her coworker. 

"jack, i'm just feeling a little worried so i'm going to bring you in and we'll make sure you're all good." 

"can we not? i'm-" jack began. 

his voice caught in his throats when he heard the shake in evan's plead, "please, jack."  
jack's mouth closed and he nodded with pursed lips. he was quiet as he walked out closely watched by the paramedics and evan trailing along. 

"do you want me to call your parents and let them know about this whole thing?" evan asked as they sat in the back of ambulance. jack began feeling more dazed in the ambulance as the exhaustion truly set in from the attack but the question reground him. 

jack squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his hands down his face.  
"i swear i'm fine. can you give them a call and tell them i'm fine?" the tension in his body increased as he thought of his parents reaction to this, after all he'd put them through already. 

if anyone would know what was happening when jack got transferred into a room at the hospital, it would be jack. a nurse sat parked on a chair in his room and the room was swept of anything relatively dangerous. the precautions taken for those who might pose a danger to themselves all glared throughout the room. 

he agreed to the suggestion of the first mental health specialist who came in and consented to the medications she'd immediately recommended. he'd get some sleep before working with her at facing the situation. his blinking became slower and his body began to slump as the chemicals roamed his blood stream. 

when he came back around his parents sat in the room together with their devices open quietly discussing their insurance's offered services.  
"i'm sorry" jack apologized to his parents as they looked up from their devices. his eyes still felt heavy looking up at them.  
"oh, jack." his mom's voice cracked in her throat as she grabbed to hold jack's hand. his dad moved to sit on the other side of the bed.  
"why didn't you tell us?" his dad asked quietly. the only response jack could muster was a sob tearing through his chest. his father's arms enclosed around his shoulders and his hand almost hurt by how hard his mom was gripping it.  
"i'm- i'm sorry." jack choked out a couple times between sobs. 

once jack breached the barrier in sliding scale of consciousness the talk happened.  
jack was out to tears as his parents, himself, and his doctors talked out his health plan. in the end it was all or nothing, jack complies to every stupid therapy thing and he can play hockey at samwell. every word of his 'one time thing' excuse was dissected right in front of his face that this maybe quite wasn't a one time slip up that he can just continue living his life as. 

when jack returned back to school, evan was there. the senior who had seen every string in jack's life tangle still sat on his bed when he got back and asked how he could help. eventually evan forced his teammate to let him drive jack to therapy. 

and it didn't happen immediately, but jack found on his own what every psychologist tried to shove into his brain.

**Author's Note:**

> written in my bed at 9am.


End file.
